ARAFMI Tasmania

An Association of Friends and Relatives of the Mentally Ill (Tasmania) Incorporated

Things We’ve Picked Up Along the Way

 

Explain mental illness and its consequences even to younger children to inform and help alleviate inappropriate guilt.

Maintain your supportive social contacts and build new ones.

Challenge irrational or unrealistic beliefs and attitudes we have towards ourselves, others and the future.

Use humour and immerse ourselves in helpful humorous situations, videos, workshops, and parties, whatever.

Remember that only we can put into place our depression prevention as listed above.

Do a cost benefit analysis of a particular trouble, listing the gains and the costs.

Notice when you do something different that has a beneficial outcome…

Practise structured problem solving skills.

We cannot cure them, nor ‘control’ the condition, nor change them. We can only change ourselves and our responses to these difficult times.

 

If the relative is an adult child that still lives in the family home, consider helping them to find alternative suitable accommodation with the support of welfare housing agencies.  Moving out may help them learn independent living skills and responsibility. Don’t hang on to them at home out of ‘guilt’.

 

We need to let go of their pain sometimes and allow them to learn from their own mistakes, just as we have. It can be difficult sometimes to know when to withdraw support appropriately to avoid being over-protective, and knowing when to provide more support. Our level of support should change as illness changes. No wonder it gets confusing at times and be gentle upon yourself if you think you’ve ‘made a mistake’ (don’t we all?).

 

If your relative can manage the illness and symptoms, instead of being bossed around by them, this is a worthwhile outcome (just as in management of any other chronic condition like diabetes or hypertension.)

 

At ARAFMI we prescribe daily pleasures in appropriate doses

as a preventative anti-depressant and stress-reliever

 

A little timely reminder about looking after ourselves…the person who gets forgotten when all the worries hang around...and when the grief just wont go away and be recovered from…

 Our first duty in life is to ourselves.

We have the right to our own life, interests and relationships, balanced with responsiveness to loved ones.

If we don’t look after ourselves, then who will be there for our relative or friend when they really need us.

Make structured daily pleasurable time for ourselves, not the housework or washing the car, but actual fun stuff.

Keep socialising, eat healthy foods, and get that sleep…

 

Focussing on regular meaningful pleasures:

Every day structure in some special pleasurable time for ourselves, a little self indulgence if you will, or a daily prescription of pleasure in appropriate doses, helps us to reconnect.  And when you do these activities, make them worry-free zones, so when the worries come back, (as they will), just tell them it’s not their turn right now, you’ll worry about them after this activity. Then refocus attention back on the activity. Do this for every time the worry comes back, for as many times as it takes, and structure a special time for worrying with a time limit. Write a list, prioritise the list and tackle the easiest one for success!

 

Be kind to your own and other people’s Grieving:

Allow yourself to grieve over this situation; what might have been and loss of relationship, but then balance these feelings by active, structured, daily pleasure activities. Perhaps find a ‘cause’ for which to work, or volunteer, that has meaning for you.